


Lucifer Has Regrets: Coda 11x10, Crack

by Speary



Series: Season 11 Coda Fics [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Lucifer, Castiel Sings, Coda, Coda 11x10, Crack, Dean Does Karaoke, Dean Sings, Destiel - Freeform, Humor, Lucifer Sings, Lucifer fears fornicating, M/M, POV Castiel, POV Lucifer, They all do Karaoke Except Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 18:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5795980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speary/pseuds/Speary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was fine, really. Then the singing started. Castiel wouldn't stop. Then the praying. I never need to hear another word about gerbils or Dean's sexual frustrations again. Oh, and don't get me started on Sam. Whiney do-gooder Sam. The boy wants a dog. Why do I care? Why is he praying about this? He's a grown-ass man. Why doesn't he just go get a damn dog? </p><p>Oh and if that wasn't enough, there was karaoke. At least the cage didn't offer up that level of torment.  </p><p>Peace out, and I'm taking the Darkness with me,<br/>Lucifer</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lucifer Has Regrets: Coda 11x10, Crack

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crack fic, because episode 11x10 just begged for the comfort that only a crack fic could provide. I might return to this later tonight to more fully edit it. If you see errors, sorry. I blame Lucifer.

They beat Lucifer, again, but not in any expected way. After all, how could one expect something like beating Lucifer when it was not obvious that it was necessary? They thought they had won ages ago, and they were wrong, sort of. If one were to really think about this, particularly if that one was Lucifer, one would have to conclude that the battle was lost from the moment that Castiel had said, “Then yes.”

Pride comes before a fall though, and sometimes winning is not winning at all. Castiel said yes, and he knew what that would do to a being of Lucifer’s type. He knew what it meant to be Castiel. Lucifer did not know what it meant to be that blessed little angel at all. He didn’t know about the prayers. He had ceased receiving prayers himself long ago. He couldn’t tune out Castiel’s prayers though. Some were vague. _Dear God, when will you return to our church. We need your intervention again, as I am certain that the Reverend Wallace is using his mouth in manners unclean._ Lucifer laughed about it at first and even considered a visit to the reverend before he realized that he would actually find that unpleasant. 

Not long after, he realized that the prayers were not a rare occurrence. He soon discovered that one channel was particularly loud and, in his opinion, quite obnoxious. _Cas, when are you getting back? Just wanted you to know that I’m proud of you, of us. Devil didn’t stand a chance._  Lucifer had felt his new face stretch out in gleeful mirth, then the prayers continued. He had intended to meet up with them at some place that lived in Castiel’s memories, filed under the word _home_. But then Dean kept praying. He was just telling him about his every blessed thought. I mean _come on, really? Does Cas need to know that Sam is gassy right now?_

Then he apparently had to make a sandwich. He made sure to list all of the ingredients. He detailed the construction. He prayed about the taste of the slightly toasted bread and the cheese that he found too _foo-foo_  for his so-called tastes. Just when Lucifer thought that it couldn’t get anymore boring, Sam started praying.

_Cas, you should get back soon. I think Dean is worried about you. He was talking to his sandwich. I think he was really talking to you, but either way, he was worried. I’ll likely call you on your cell so you can give me an ETA._

Lucifer tipped back his head and blew out a long suffering sigh. _Guess I should have just gotten in the car with them._ Then he remembered the snap of Rowena’s neck as she gazed on him with such admiration. He regretted just briefly ending her so quickly, but he knew that with some, you just don’t take chances. His phone, or rather Cas’ phone began ringing in one of the many pockets found in the trenchcoat. 

 _This is going to be the first item to go._  He thought as he looked down at the beige monstrosity. _I look like a fucking mushroom._  He considered snapping his fingers to send it away on a firey burst of air.

Then he heard a still small voice in his head yelling at him, _NO._  It was repeated like a chant. He considered doing what he wanted just because the voice belonged to Castiel and Castiel was annoying, but then the voice altered. _I can make you regret it._

He chose not to explore what Castiel could do. It didn’t matter much in the moment, especially with the phone still ringing, forever ringing, somewhere in this blasted coat. He found it after the millionth ring. He answered, “What?”

It was too harsh and it sounded nothing like the little angel that could. Sam replied, “Cas?”

“Yeah, Sam. What can I do for you?” He schooled his voice into something reasonable, something meek and broken.

“Are you okay? You sound funny.”

“I’m fine.” The last word dragged out like he was entirely lying and not even interested in pretending otherwise. “I spoke with Crowley again and he is not so entertaining.”

“Why? What more needed to be said?” Sam’s whiney little kid voice was cruising up to the surface and Lucifer was cringing with each syllable.

“Do we need to talk about this over the phone? I am on my way.” He let the frustration of the day, or millennium fall from his mouth like angels being cast from heaven.

“Oh, yeah. Uh, sorry. I was just wondering when you’d get here. Dean won’t say a word about it, but I know he was worried about you. You haven’t been here for ages and he has been pacing a stripe into the hall ever since you’ve been gone.” Sam’s words somehow became even more pathetic, and Lucifer counted his blessings, was that the right word for it? Well, regardless he counted his blessings that he wasn’t sharing space with Sam Winchester again. Once was atonement enough for any sinner.

He found a car on the darkest corner. He glowed out a flash of lock-picking might, and the door opened. He got in and started the car with a bit more of his power. The still small voice spoke again. _Seems like a waste._

 _What seems like a waste? It doesn’t work that way._ Lucifer pulled away from the curb and drove with reckless abandon down the street. He scraped the cars parked on the sides, sending some of them into a screeching mess of alarms.

_Dean always seemed to think that I shouldn’t use my grace for mundane things. There is something to be gained from doing things the human way._

Lucifer weaved back and forth down the road so that he could scrape the sides of his car on vehicles that lined both sides. He was doing his best not to miss a single parked car. _Are you trying to lecture me on how to be a better human? You’re an idiot._

 _If you say so._  Castiel fell into silence then. Lucifer was grateful.

Then another string of prayers came through. _Cas, I think there’s monsters attacking people here. Jody thinks I’m acting out. Some form of PTSD she says. I’m not. You should come visit and tell me I’m right._  This voice was a strong one. It came through like Dean’s had before. 

_Who the Hell is that one, Castiel?_

_That’s not important. Ignore her._

_Who is she?_

_Ignore her._

_God damnit Castiel? Who is she._

_I’d prefer it if you would not use our father’s name in this manner._

_God damn, Great big God Damn. Damny Damny Damn Damn._

_I’d prefer it if you would not use our father’s name in this manner._

_Who is she?_

_Who she is doesn’t matter._

Lucifer was no longer scraping cars. He was too annoyed to even have that fun anymore. _Goddamn, Castiel spoiler of fun._ He pressed the pedal past reason, and the car sped up to 50 in a residential neighborhood. He took a fast turn and drove down an empty road that seemed to run on for miles. Castiel was blessedly silent now, and Lucifer managed to find the memories that would lead him to _Home._

 

* * *

 

 

He stopped the car near an old dilapidated power plant. He felt his nose flaring out in disgust. _How do you get in there?_  Lucifer figured he could easily just blast past the barriers and such engrained in the very fabric of the place, but he knew that keeping his identity a secret would serve him more for now. After all, Sam and Dean would do more for him thinking he was Castiel than if they knew who he really was. And they could be useful. He had learned long ago what it meant to underestimate a Winchester.

Castiel waited a bit too long to answer Lucifer’s question, so he repeated it. Castiel finally said, _You just knock. It’s not that complicated._

Lucifer grumbled and stalked up to the door. He gave it three short raps and waited. He could hear the arrival of someone on the other side. The door opened and there was Sam with gun drawn. “Cas?” His tone hinted at confusion.

“What?” Lucifer was done, just done. He didn’t want to talk to Sam or be stared at by Sam or prayed at by Sam. Now he was just standing there barring his way in like he always was. _NO. The only word Sam knew. Keep out, stay out, no, no, no. Well, he did say yes once._

 _And that went well for you._  Castiel’s voice snipped at him. Lucifer thought violence at him and Castiel laughed.

“You okay?” Sam asked.

 _Focus._ “Of course,” Lucifer replied.

“Since when do you knock?” Sam stepped aside and let him pass. _Stupid Castiel._ Castiel laughed at him again. 

_You can’t really blame me._

_Next time I’ll know better than to ask you._

_Doubtful. You need me._

_Not really._

_If you say so._

Sam was talking about Dean, but Lucifer wasn’t paying attention. Dean’s prayers were still crowding his head anyway. He never stopped. He detailed his feelings about the minutae of each moment. He noted the lack of beer in the fridge, the uncomfortable chair in the kitchen, his aching back. _God he is overwhelming. Does he ever shut up?_

__I’d prefer it if you would not use our father’s name in this manner._  Unless of course you were praying to our father just then. Were you praying?  
_

_You can shut up too._

“So he is down the hall in the kitchen. You should make sure to stay tonight so he stops worrying.” Sam moved aside and pointed off down a hall.

“Thanks Sam.” He tried to don a look of meek innocence. He thought that it was a close approximation of Castiel. _It is so hard to look so defeated, brother. How do you do it every day?_

_Practice makes perfect I hear._

Dean was praying in greater earnest now. _Dear Castiel who art no longer in Hell, when will you be back. I have much to discuss with you about your travels and the Darkness. Please get your feathery ass home so we can discuss this in person._

_Is this normal?_

_Yes, Dean has a certain style in his prayers. They are somewhat irreverent._

_Do you tell him to mind his language?_

_Dean doesn’t take our father’s name in vain while praying. I only had to ask once._

_That hardly seems true. He seems like the type that requires repeated instruction._

_He is difficult, and yet not. You will see. Do remember our deal._

_We have a deal?_

_You don’t get to harm them in any way. You are here because you are going to take care of the Darkness._

_If I recall, we did not make any sort of deal. You merely said yes._

_Anything that I agree to in this life comes with that explicit caveat. Dean and Sam will not be harmed._

_And if I do?_

_Well, you can’t. I won’t let you._

_How will you stop me?_

_Haven’t you thought it odd that you are in the same space with them and yet they live. You want to kill them. You really do. You can’t._

Lucifer thought about it for a moment. He wondered if he should test his skills. Dean was expendable. He felt a sharp pain course through himself with the thought. _So if I find a way around that little parlor trick of yours?_

_I’ll eject you before you even get close to accomplishing a thing._

_You can do that?_

_Yes. I’ve seen Sam do it before, so I’m certain that I can as well. So your focus is the Darkness._

_Fine._ Dean was pacing a trough into the floor, muttering and running his hands up through his hair until it looked as worried as his prayers had sounded. Castiel let out a sigh of sorts, and Lucifer wondered at the sound. _Really Castiel? You have horrible taste in men._

_If you say so._

_I do. He’s a neanderthal, barely more than an ape._ Castiel gave him a little jolt of the old pain again. _Seriously, I know you are feeling that too._

_Yes, but I know that it is coming and you don’t. Preparedness makes hardships easier to accept._

Dean took this moment to notice Lucifer leaning in the doorway to the kitchen. “What the Hell, Cas. How long were you standing there?” Dean stopped pacing and moved across the room toward him. He stopped a few feet away and his eyes swept up and down Castiel’s body.

Dean’s prayers kicked up into high volume then. _I’ve missed you. You didn’t call enough. I worried about you constantly. Honestly, would it have killed you to have ridden home with Sam and I? I can’t believe you’re home. I can’t believe you are finally back, here, right here. You look great. So great. I mean, you don’t look like a guy that just tangled with the Devil. I want you to know I’m proud of you. I’m proud of us. Man, you look so great right now...Uh, hug?_

Lucifer felt his body being pulled into a crushing hug then. _I didn’t consent to this. What is this? What is he doing? Do you do this? Do we fornicate?_ He hadn’t hugged back yet. Dean stiffened. Lucifer stiffened. Then he reciprocated. The hug lasted all of fifteen seconds of his eternal existence, and he felt that it was the longest fifteen seconds of his life. 

“I suppose you missed me.” 

“Whatever man. Glad you’re back,” Dean said with an air of bravado. It was as if he didn’t care at all. Then the prayer again. _Of course I missed you, geesh. You don’t have to say it out loud though._

_Castiel, I am confused._

_Get use to it._

_But I really don’t understand what is happening._

_It’ll make sense. It took me a few years to figure it out. Dean is complicated._

_So he is saying one thing and meaning another?_

_Yes, always yes._

_Okay then._

“So tell me about the Darkness.” Dean looked like all of the concern in the world.

“What’s there to tell?” _No really, what’s there to tell, Castiel?_

 _“_ Are you okay, Cas?”

“Yeah, of course. Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

_I went to investigate the Darkness. She sent them a message on my chest and blasted me to the gateway to Hell. Dean likely wants to know about that._

“You’re acting strange.”

“Sorry. It’s been a long day.” Dean reached out and settled his hand on Lucifer’s arm. He gave it a little squeeze. _Is this foreplay?_

_Honestly, you are Lucifer. You’ve engaged in sexual activities._

_Yes, I have had all of the sex._

_WAIT, you have right?_

_I have._

_You are lying right now._

_Look Castiel, I don’t have time for this._  Dean shook his arm a little then.

“Cas, really you seem strange. You sure, Luci didn’t hurt you?”

“Lucifer.”

“What?”

“His name is Lucifer.”

“Yeah, Luci, what’s your point?” Dean’s lips curled up into a smirk, and he continued, “So, did he hurt you?”

“He did. He is mighty and strong. I am honestly no match for him.” Castiel laughed, and Lucifer ignored him.

Dean laughed and their laughter swirled around inside and outside of Lucifer’s form like a melody. He hated it. “Yeah, Cas. I swear you must have studied comedy while you were away.”

“What do you mean?” Dean laughed again and seemed to double over with the effort. “Lucifer is a rather formidable opponent. I cannot imagine a stronger or more fearsome creature.”

“Oh Cas, keep going. I haven’t laughed like this in ages. Not since the brothel. Remember that?” Dean was still laughing through his memories.

_Brothel? What is he talking about?_

_He took me to a brothel. Not important._

_You? You went to a brothel?_

_Just once. Like I said, it’s not important._

Lucifer broke through Dean’s laughter. “I really don’t see what is so funny. He really did hurt me. This body is still in a bit of pain from when he threw me against the bars of the cage. I’ll likely never fully recover from it.”

Dean kept laughing, but he also spun Lucifer around and pulled off his jacket, the stupid mushroom jacket. Lucifer was pleased to see it pool up at his feet, then Dean lifted the back of his shirt out of his pants. He could feel Dean’s fingers on his flesh. _Castiel, if this is going to become fornication, I definitely need to know. CASTIEL._

Dean’s hands smoothed over the tight muscles. He ran his hands up over Lucifer’s shoulders and back down to his lower back. “I don’t even see any evidence of bruising.”

_CASTIEL, are we about to fornicate. ANSWER ME._

_Who knows._

_Oh, God Damnit all._ Dean’s hands stopped moving and just rested against him. He wasn’t praying, but Lucifer picked up on something else, a kind of longing. _Damnit, damnit, damnit. God damnit. This is it._

__I’d prefer it if you would not use our father’s name in this manner._  
_

_His hands are warm. Why is he touching me? His longing is intense._

_Yes, he gets that way sometimes. I’ve been away for awhile. Don’t worry. It’ll pass._

_And the fornication?_

_You are really worried about that. I’d think that something like this would be easy for you. You encourage this sort of thing._

_I do. People get lost in such acts and they are easy to manipulate, when they are focused as such. Then there’s love. It makes people do stupid things._

_Fornication isn’t love._

_He’s in love with you. He is thinking of showing it in a physical manner._

_No, that’s just how Dean thinks all the time. He has an extra dose of libido and no real time to fully excise it. He uses prayers as a sounding board. He sometimes just needs to let his thoughts fly._

_Castiel, you are not seeing this for what it is. He is literally leaning into my neck right now. I can feel his lips on me. Is this normal?_

Castiel seemed to be humming. The sound was akin to some sort of pleasure moan. Dean’s words broke through his thoughts. “You aren’t hurt. Lucifer barely left a scratch. You did good, Cas, real good. He didn’t stand a chance.”

Lucifer felt a little anger boil over, so he moved himself away from Dean’s breathy words, warm hands, and potential fornication. “I’m done being looked over. Lucifer should not be underestimated.”

“I wasn’t underestimating him Cas. I was just singing our praises. We did good.” Dean moved back into his space again. _What is it with him? Personal space for God’s sake._

__I’d prefer it if you would not use our father’s name in this manner._  
_

“Let’s not talk about him anymore, if you don’t mind. We should focus on the Darkness.”

Dean shuffled a little and then moved off to the table. He beckoned Lucifer over with a wave at the chair opposite. “So spill. What do we do about her?”

“Good question.”

“Well, that’s not helpful.”

Lucifer shrugged. “I’m not sure that anyone besides God could bottle her back up. I mean the last time that she was contained, it was with Lucifer’s involvement. Maybe we should reconsider leaving him in the cage.”

Dean’s raised eyebrow and casual eye roll should have been answer enough, but no, he had to use words too. “Look Cas, if you’re just gonna offer up crazy talk, then I’ll just go off to sleep. No sense staying up after this long ass day to just joke around.”

“I thought that you were enjoying the humor.”

“I was, but now I’m switched over into serious mode. I didn’t get to tell you before, but she's influencing me. I can’t kill her, though I tried.”

“Hmm,” Lucifer hummed and then settled a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

Dean’s look shifted greatly. He looked down at Lucifer’s hand on his shoulder, then he looked back like he was really trying to read him. “You’re not right. Something is off.”

They both got up. _What did I say? Why is he freaking out?_

_Cas, what’s going on? Did you get in trouble? What’s going on? Answer me God damn it._

_Hey Castiel, should I tell him that you don’t like when people use father’s name like that? Castiel?_

“Dean, your prayers are unnecessary. Can’t you tell, I’m fine. It’s just been a rough couple of weeks.” Lucifer tried to ladle on the charm; he really did.

Dean still looked doubtful. He didn’t give voice to the look though. “Yeah, sure Cas. Why don’t you go lay down a bit while we all sleep. The rest will do you good.”

Lucifer gave him a little salute and strolled out of the room before any more damage could be done.

 

* * *

 

 

The room that he claimed for the night had a bed and a threadbare quilt. It was cold and empty. It was apparently the room that had been given to Castiel. Lucifer rifled through the drawers and the closet. He found nothing of any real interest. He tossed himself on the bed and contemplated his future endeavors. 

He wondered if he could bottle up the Darkness. _She wasn’t so bad really._   _Better than our father at least._ He waited for Castiel to respond to that one. He seemed to be a little too defensive when it came to dear old dad. Lucifer rolled his eyes at the thought. He decided to lower his consciousness. In essence he would sleep. He hadn’t had the luxury of sleep in some time. 

Michael had made sleep difficult. Being near him was maddening. He had almost shut it all out, shut it all off, permanently. He didn’t though. He persevered. Then he had heard Amara roaming free in the distance. His cage had rattled, and the world had trembled with her awakening. Michael had not been affected, but Lucifer had been greatly changed. He had been given hope. He had found a way to seep free a little. 

He had spoken with Sam, and also with Amara. They had each provided Lucifer with so much. He had even managed to speak with Castiel, but he made sure to bury that memory. He was grateful that he was finally getting a few moments of peace. His head was finally a place of silence a refuge for planning and plotting.

Lucifer closed his eyes. He felt the moment before it happened. The shift, like static sparking out over his whole form. The prayers were back. _Why? Why now?_

_I was giving you a break. That was all I could accomplish though. Now they are yours again._

_You can stop them?  
Not really. I just answered them, sent them comfort._

_I don’t understand why they pray to you. They call you God. Last I checked you were just a minor angel, nothing important._

_Oh, well, I made some mistakes._

_Like?_

_I may have decided that I needed to become God because the world needed that. I swallowed up a bunch of Leviathan and paraded around smiting things and doing what I thought of as ‘The Lord’s Work.’_

_Really?_

_Really._

_Why do you think it was a mistake?_

_I killed people. I caused a string of events that lead to the deaths of people that I cared about. I never should have claimed that power. It wasn’t for me. I am a bad leader, and I’ve since learned my place. Let others that are more suited be the hero. I’m expendable._

_Now that is just sad. You sound like you are just about the most broken, pathetic creature to have ever existed. Seriously, you killed people. I did that all the time. Hell, I did that just a few hours ago. Some people really don’t matter so much._

Castiel fell into silence again. He did however let the prayers have full volume. Lucifer resigned himself to listening. They prayed for mundane things like car repairs and gerbils. They prayed for blessings on food and blessings on houses. Some prayers were downright lascivious. They asked him for visitations and promised their bodies to him. Lucifer scowled. _Here I am begging people for clearance and you just get vessel offerings tossed at you left and right._

_That’s not what they are offering._

_Oh._

Then Castiel fell silent again. The prayers did not cease. At one point Sam’s prayers washed over the others. He was already awake after a full sleep. _How long have I been laying here?_  Sam was spelling out his day in prayer form and then he was sharing feelings. Lucifer wanted to drown him out. He was frustrated by Sam, always was. 

Lucifer concentrated on the Darkness again, and Castiel pushed back the prayers. _Oh, so I am being rewarded for thinking in the so called right way?_

_Yes._

Lucifer pondered the many ways that one might contain the Darkness. Castiel turned down the volume still further. He moved down many paths and was rewarded with excellent silence for his studiousness. Eventually, he lost his thread and fell back into power mongering thoughts.

A low hum of prayers seeped back in. It was nearly morning and he did not feel rested. Castiel began singing. _I’m Henry the Eighth I am, Henry the Eighth I am, I am. I got married to the widow next door. She’s been married seven times before..._

_What the Hell are you doing?_

_Singing. I’m bored._

_Stop that._

_I’m Henry the Eighth I am, Henry the Eighth I am, I am. I got married to the widow next door. She’s been married seven times before..._

He sang out the whole thing and even went back to the start again with a _second verse same as the first_ , declaration. Lucifer decided not to fight him. He ignored him, or at least tried to do so. He threw himself out of the stupid monk bed and stumbled down the hall. He ran his hands up over his face and back into his hair. He scratched at his scalp and took a little pleasure in it.

As he passed Dean’s door, it opened and out walked the half-dressed Winchester. “Oh, hey Cas.”

Lucifer’s eyes marched up and down the plains of near perfection. Some humans were aesthetically pleasing. Dean was that. He hated him. Hated him so much. He schooled the thought back and used words to reply. “Hey Dean.”

“You feeling better today? More like your old self?”

“I feel very much like my old self.” He forced his mouth up into a half smile. He hoped that it looked sincere. He imagined squeezing Dean’s skull, making it squishy. His smile became sincere, and then it fell as Cas delivered a little painful jolt, and new high volume prayers.

Lucifer restructured his imaginings so that Dean was in a field surrounded by kittens. In the distance some of them were dead, but he was Lucifer, and one could not expect everything to be perfect. _You should have picked gerbils. They are God’s favorite creatures after humans._

Lucifer let out another long suffering sigh. Dean was listening. Their eyes locked and Dean broke the silence. “So Sam and I were talking this morning, and we decided to blow off some steam tonight. I mean, we did beat the Devil, so I say we’ve earned a little RnR.”

“Not sure that we really beat Lucifer. We merely went into a cage and got beaten up by him. Then a witch cast a spell. Hardly an event worth celebrating.” Lucifer’s voice was all grumbly again.

“You really need to blow off steam. Man, I swear your time away changed you.” Dean raised a hand to his shoulder and gave him a little squeeze.

Lucifer changed tracks. “So what is your plan then? How do you intend to blow off steam?” Dean stared at him a bit, hand still firmly settled on his shoulder. Lucifer felt the old heat and longing pouring off of him again and said, “Oh, fornicating.”

Dean dropped his hand and took two very grand steps back. He pressed himself back against a wall and choked on his words before they found escape. “Uh, no. I mean, if the opportunity came about at the bar, then yeah, but...” Dean swallowed audibly. “Since when do you comment on my sex life?”

“I thought that...” Lucifer was confused now. The longing was still there, the heat too. Then he remembered that Dean had trouble communicating. Internal and external dialogues could be rather contrary. He smiled again, pleased at having made sense of a ridiculous human.

“We’re going to a karaoke bar.” Dean was beaming.

_I haven’t left Hell. Hell is here, right now. Damnit. God Damnit._

___I’d prefer it if you would not use our father’s name in this manner.__  
_

“I’m not really up for that. I’m just gonna work on solving this Darkness problem. You and Sam have fun.” Lucifer felt pretty smug about his refusal. 

Then Dean said, “No way, Cas. You’re coming. All work and no play, makes Cas something something.” Dean chuckled and wandered off before Lucifer could refuse again. So he went back to the monk room. 

Castiel had thankfully pushed back the prayers a bit. _Perhaps he was capable of mercy occasionally. Karaoke? That’s not a thing you opt to do. It is a thing that you talk about and mock from the safety of home._ He had considered setting up whole regions of Hell with karaoke just so that people would be properly tortured. Then the sounds of death and torment fluttered down the halls to his room. Dean was singing. He was at top volume, and whatever prayers were careening about in his head were dashed away with the first notes. And if just hearing him wasn’t enough, Dean prayed the song too.

 _Highway to Hell..._ Lucifer found the song choice stupid. It was not even close to his range. _How is he managing to sing off key in his prayer. This is imaginationland. Imagine a perfect pitch. Stop imagining notes that only dogs can hear._

Then Sam came back and his mind filled with his prayers too. They were not so different from his own thoughts. _If only Dean knew that singing didn’t have to be loud. Oh, that was something. That note is not human. Maybe Dean is still a demon._

Then Castiel started singing again. _I’m Henry the Eighth I am..._ Lucifer’s head was a cacophony of songs and commentary, too loud and too awful to be borne. He tried to shoot his mind down several paths at once. He thought of Michael, all curled up in the cage, pleasuring himself and muttering gibberish. 

He understood what could drive a being to such a place. Then the prayers all rushed in too. _Castiel, you asshole._  The singing and the prayers and the noise of existence whirled and collided with every coherent thought he tried to have. 

He tried to temp Castiel into providing relief by focusing on the Darkness. He had no solutions to that anyway. The only solution was pulling her back into the cage with him. He was the stopper in that bottle. He thought about that. And knew immediately that he had made a mistake as everything fell into silence for a split second.

_So like Atlas. You could hand off the task to someone else like he did to Hercules. Cain took on the task and then Dean, but you could take it back._

_I’d have to return to Hell, and I’m not interested in doing that._

_But you could?_

The silence stretched out between them. _I could, but why would I want that? I just got out._

More silence and then Castiel said, _Guess we’ll just have to convince you that being here is not all it’s cracked up to be._

 _What’s that supposed to mean?_  But Castiel was done talking to him. Castiel just wanted to sing. _Henry the Eighth isn’t so bad Castiel. Good luck with that._

 

* * *

 

 

_How many days has it been?_  Lucifer was wandering the bunker like he had been drained of all will. He remembered how Sam had looked in the institution after he had poured so much of himself into his torment. He couldn’t smile about it now though. He couldn’t even do a thing. He couldn’t think. His mind was not his own. 

_4,122nd verse same as the first. I’m Henry the Eighth I am, Henry the Eighth I am, I am..._

_Hey Cas, what if you and I just take a little vacation when all of this is done? Catch some waves, relax on a beach. I could almost picture you in Bermuda shorts, getting tan under the sun. Do angels tan? I can still picture it._ Insert obnoxious waves of longing here. Lucifer kept trying. He would keep grinding out new paths in his mind only to be sandwiched between prayers and songs, prayers and songs. 

They went to karaoke, and for a brief moment, Castiel did not sing the Henry song. He instead sang along with Dean. For Dean, the experience involved taking to the stage several times and singing along, both in his head and out loud with anyone else that took the stage. It truly was Hell. Sam was mopey. His fluffy mop of hair was drawing eyes. Lucifer did his best not to scowl at him openly. A lady came over to him and made small talk. She asked him something, but Lucifer couldn’t follow. He did hear Sam say yes to whatever it was she was asking.

 _See, is it really all that hard. One stupid little word. You couldn’t just say yes? Really. Stupid, stupid Sam._ Lucifer downed his alcohol, and Dean had a replacement for him right away.

By the end of the night, Dean was all up in his personal space. He kept trying to get away from him, but that proved impossible. Dean was drunk. He dragged him up onto the stage for a duet. Lucifer wanted to fight him, but Castiel gave him enough pain to make him compliant. 

“What’re we singing, Cas?” Dean practically slurred the words out directly into Lucifer’s ear.

 _Tell him ‘Islands in the Stream.’_ Lucifer just wanted to get this moment over with, so he complied. He felt Castiel’s happiness, and found new depths of hatred for him. 

_When this is done, I’ll find new ways to smite you._

_If you say so. Now sing. You take the Dolly Parton parts._

Dean had gotten the song to the DJ, and it was starting up. The lyrics were in front of him. Each part was color coded. Dean said, “You do the pink ones. I’ll be Kenny.” It was like the two of them had done this before.

Lucifer didn’t question it and just started singing. He found Dolly Parton’s voice somewhere in his head. He assumed Castiel had supplied it. He did his best to match her cadences and tone. Dean’s grackle squack did nothing good for their number. When they finished, they got applause. He felt that it was applause for just him. Dean after all, was horrible. 

They had left that night with Dean hanging off his side, laughing like a fool about nothing. He had made numerous jokes about Lucifer. Sam had chimed in. The level of disrespect was great. Lucifer was angry. He may have pushed Dean into a gutter at some point. Thus began Castiel’s reentry into singing the Henry song, which had not paused or shown signs of ebbing since that night.

 _4,367th verse same as the first.._. And Castiel was gonna keep on singing forever. The prayers were many today. Dean was going on and on about his hangover. He even asked if they had had sex. 

 _As if._  Lucifer stumbled into Sam on his way to the kitchen. Castiel seemed to be projecting feelings about coffee at him as he sang his stupid song. 

“Morning Cas. Sleep well?”

“I’m an angel. I don’t require sleep.”

“Sure looks like you could use it.” The look on Sam’s face was not sympathetic. He looked a little like he was enjoying some private thoughts that were not too kind. 

“I’m fine.” He pushed past him for the kitchen. There was no coffee waiting. The coffee pot was still warm, but it was rather empty.

 Sam followed him into the space and Lucifer noticed him holding a mug of steaming earthy goodness. “Sorry, got the last of it. Didn’t think angels needed coffee.”

Lucifer grumbled. “I’ll just make more.”

“I used the last of the grounds. I’ll have to pick up more later.” Sam leaned against the counter next to him and added, “I mean, you could just use the same grounds twice, I suppose. It’s not like you’re a connoisseur of coffee or anything.”

“I know enough to know that that would be despicable.” 

“Meh, desperate times...” Sam wandered off.

Castiel sent out another wave of coffee desire, and Lucifer cringed at what it would mean to give in. He set to work brewing coffee with the used grounds. He drank the product of his labor and hated it. Castiel rewarded him with 5.2 seconds of silence. 

Dean came into the kitchen, announcing himself with prayers. He leaned in close to Lucifer’s arm and even seemed to support himself with Lucifer’s side while he stood next to him. “So coffee?” He looked down at Lucifer’s now empty mug. There was more of the stuff in the pot. 

“Yeah, made it for you. Enjoy.” Lucifer took a little pleasure in knowing that Dean would now consume this vile substance. He waited happily for the cringe of despair to overtake him as he swallowed down the first gulp of awfulness.

Dean didn’t show any signs of discomfort. Instead he said, “Thanks Cas.” He gulped down the whole mug and smiled. Then more prayers. Then he was singing again, like he was stupid happy. Then he was off in the shower, still praying mind you. 

Then Castiel let the angel’s into his head. The prayers, singing, bad coffee, and now his brethren. All at once Lucifer could see eternity. Infinite days stretched out in front of him just like this. _I’m Henry the Eighth I am, Henry the Eighth I am, I am..._  Lucifer crumpled down into a heap on the cool white tiled floor. 

Sam and Dean found him that way when they strolled back in. He was a whimpering mess of gibberish. Sam bolstered him up onto his arm. Dean got him on the other side. They didn’t talk. They just moved him out to the couch and sat across from him waiting.

Castiel stopped for a moment in his endless song and said, _You could stop it at any time brother._ Then _4, 418th verse same as the first..._

_How?_

Castiel stopped again in mid-verse and said, _bottle her back up of course._ Then he was singing again, and Sam was thinking about buying a dog. Dean was undressing him slowly with his mind. Lucifer could hear the angels talking of Metatron, and then the Darkness. He could hear the people praying. He couldn’t shut it off. He couldn’t even try.

His mouth fell open and nonsense words fell out. Dean and Sam came closer. “Was that a spell?” Sam asked as he turned to Dean.

“Not one I’ve ever heard.” Dean looked concerned.

Lucifer hated the cage, but some Hells were worse. He closed his eyes, Castiel’s eyes and a glow of pure white light filled the room. He left. He pulled the Darkness with him. No sense in leaving her behind. He worried that if he did, they’d make him come back to finish the job.

 

* * *

 

 

“Ya back with us Cas?” Dean hovered over him with concern, his fingers cupping his cheek, thumb stroking kindness into his flesh.

“Yeah, it’s me. He’s gone.” Castiel smiled, and it was sincere.

Sam beamed down at him too. “Good thing. I was running out of topics for my prayers. It’s rather hard coming up with boring stuff to pray about.”

“Oh, you didn’t just go the awkward sex route?” Dean smirked.

“Uh, no. I prayed about dogs, which are awesome. I threw out some stuff about my day and running. That always seems to bore you, so...”

“Dean’s prayers were quite amusing.” Castiel sat up and leveled a gaze at Dean.

Dean swallowed audibly and said, “Anything to save the world.”

A wave of longing washed over Castiel. He smiled as he closed his eyes and swam around in it. “Let’s go out tonight and blow off some steam. It’s not everyday we defeat the Darkness and Luci all at once.”

Dean’s face was wall to wall smiles. Sam’s was too. Dean said, “Any ideas?” His prayers were colorful then. Castiel met them with a smirk.

“How about karaoke?” Castiel offered.

Sam groaned, and Dean responded with a, “Hell yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this. If you get bored, you can find me on Tumblr as [Spearywritesstuff](http://spearywritesstuff.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Drop me a comment or a kudos if you liked this. Thanks a bunch.


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